The last day at my full time professional job was at the end
of August so that I could start a yoga & personal training business and be
a full time mommy. This was a tough and
scary decision for me to make, but I felt that it was an opportunity for me to
do what I had dreamed of doing for a very long time. I simply was not happy in the position I was in,
and with the promise of continued multiple evening meetings away from home and
my husband’s work schedule that keeps him away from home during the week, I made
the decision that would be best for our family and took the plunge. It was a leap of faith…and continues to be,
but I haven’t regretted my decision to make this life change one bit. Change isn’t easy for anyone, and this
transition certainly is no different. It
has compelled me to continue to work on improving communication in my marriage
and more recently has made me realize that I need to be more introspective once
again in my life and discover how I can be a better wife to my husband. How the qualities I learn on my yoga
mat—integrity, nonviolence, surrender and gratitude—and try to apply to myself
and others I see on the street, need also to be directly reflected towards my
husband. The one relationship that needs
the most nourishing, yet often gets treated the most disrespectfully, because
it is in this sacred and intimate relationship that many of us, myself
included, let our guard down and show our true colors. I know this isn’t right, but it is so much
easier to be kind to someone we barely know for the sake of their perception of
us, than the person who is going to be there for us in any situation, through
thick or thin. The person whom we feel
the most comfortable around, and therefore; sees us at our best…and worst. And because they are our spouses and
committed to believing in us as people, through success or failure, joy or challenge,
and good ideas or bad, we give ourselves permission to relax the personality
that others see in us.
The past 11 months have been trying on my relationship with
my husband. I am grateful that he has
continued to support me through my new adventure in pursuing my dreams and,
hopefully believes that I can be a success with my – our—new business. I say “hopefully” because this is one area in
which we struggle, and one area that I know causes much tension in
relationships: communication. Lately this is not something that we have
been very victorious at. I don’t always
know how he feels and he doesn’t always know how I feel. We have never been great at it because we are
2 independent people with our own interests and hobbies that were well
developed before we met each other. We
had even more time to develop those interests and get a little more set in our
ways even after we got married because we had no children to make us think any
differently, and we could get away with it.
We were focused on our careers, spending time with each other doing the
things we enjoy doing together AND spending time on our own with our own
personal hobbies. But now that our lives
have changed forever with the introduction of another life to be responsible
for, and both of our careers changing, our own personal ventures have taken a
back burner…except that I turned my favorite hobby into my career. And now feel that I have to work more
diligently at it to hopefully close the gap that I have now created in our
income by quitting my other professional job.
All the while, my husband continues to have a demanding career with his
time being taken up staying days and nights during the week out of town
instructing new recruits on how to serve our state and protect the lives of so
many. Something so honorable and far
greater than many of us can even imagine that I often forget how much stress he
must carry with him subconsciously and how grateful I am for his quiet humility. So although we are still pursuing what we
love to do, we are also seeking the balance that comes with the joy of guiding
a new spirit in this world. I have
discovered that communication becomes even more critical.
As my yoga practice has evolved since Huck was born and has
actually developed into a deeper practice than I had prior to his birth, it
continues to teach me to explore my personality and spirit. It also teaches me about my relationships and
interactions with others. So as I “count
my LITTLE blessings” this Thanksgiving weekend, I’ll learn from the mistakes I
have made and continue to try to fail forward so that I can teach my child how to
be mindful of how he communicates with the ones he loves the most.
