Your Inner Voice

It’s a new year and the time for a fresh start. The time of year to let yourself wipe the slate clean and start over.
Lose weight. Maintain a regular workout schedule. Eat healthier. Quit smoking. Get organized. Spend less, save more. Spend more time with family and less behind the computer or your desk. Turn off electronic devices at dinner. Eat dinner together. Start a business. Grow a business. Finish school. Go back to school.
Whatever it may be, you vow to be more intentional about recognizing & putting forth the best version of yourself. This is your sankalpa. It’s the Sanskrit term that represents the deeply held ideals we have for ourselves or the steps it will take to reach them.

Sometimes your sankalpa is consciously known and held closely to your heart appearing only when you allow this unique energy to show through. And sometimes it is recently uncovered and realized through other decisions you have made simply being your true and authentic self or because of others who have encouraged you along the way to uncover that genuine self. Either way your sankalpa is much like a New Year’s resolution. It’s a commitment to follow through with listening to your inner voice—perhaps the one you have silenced for a long time.

At its core, it is who you are.

I don’t typically make more than one New Year’s resolution because I know that the lifespan of resolutions rarely lasts through February. If I choose to make one, I aim to set an attainable goal that I can most likely have “infrequent success” with over the year and on into the rest of my life in order to essentially enhance my awareness and become more intentional. For some reason this year I have set my sights high and am looking to bring to light the next 4 realities of who I am for my family and myself.

Take more photos of my child(ren) with me.

I realized as I was preparing our Christmas letter this year and again soon after when a friend of mine passed away that we don’t have a lot of pictures of Huck & me (or even of him and my husband or of our family for that matter). They are primarily of Huck by himself.
Some of the pictures I like seeing the most in my family’s archives are the old ones of my grandmothers with their kids. My friend did a beautiful job of intentionally seeing that she and her close friends were in photographs together with their kids at nearly every event or activity they held or attended. Seeing her pictures reminded me how much I appreciated these real life moments that are spent nurturing our children and families.

Parent rather than react to situations.

When life is in full swing and the “busyness” that happens pulls us away from the present moment it’s easy to react to situations rather than understand and teach. I catch myself doing this with Huck especially when I’m trying to prepare meals and he’s underfoot wanting to “help” or simply be held. This most often results in him sitting on the counter using imaginative play to cook right along with me. But there are many times that he begins to throw a tantrum or become extra clingy and I don’t pay attention to the reason or use it as an opportunity to help him understand his feelings. So the idea of using a more present-minded parenting approach is one I hope I’ll be able to implement better especially as we approach a time in Huck’s life of many transitions—potty training, toddler bed, new sibling, moving bedrooms, etc.

Acknowledge my husband more intentionally on a daily basis.

As in any relationship when the newness wears off we find ourselves moving through the motions and not giving the attention to the other party that they still appreciate and most likely very much need. I know I am guilty of this even in the small way of not giving my husband a kiss and a hug when he returns from work or when I see him for the first time each day after I’ve been at work. But the thing is, and I’ve realized this because of the way I feel when I don’t receive those same acknowledgements from him, those small things aren’t really small things. They are what keep relationships strong and communication alive. These are the things I wouldn’t have thought about eliminating in my relationship when I first met and started dating my husband. So why have they become so insignificant now? Yes, our lives have changed and we’ve added different elements to it, but that doesn’t change the way I feel about him in a negative way, so why should my behaviors suggest that? I can certainly commit to doing 5 things each day that reflect this.

Live with the intent to be present and fully enjoy experiences rather than worrying about the future.

I am a worrier by nature; thus, why I practice yoga. But as you can see from my other resolutions, I’m choosing to focus more intention on strengthening the bonds within my family that are going to ultimately support me better as a person and make me a stronger, more capable individual. That means that ultimately I need to allow myself the gift of seeing things for how they are and trusting the plan that is in place for me. Too often I let my “to-do” list control how much attention I give to whatever it is I am tending to. This takes away from the full enjoyment that I could be experiencing. Housework can wait and I can schedule my time effectively to complete work outside of the studio when I don’t have Huck, but my husband and family are the constant that are going to help me thrive and in the end nourish my spirit and soul.

Even if I don’t stick with any of these, I will have gained some heightened awareness and can continue to try. After all, those who make resolutions are 10 times more likely to reach their goals, no matter what they are, than those who do not make resolutions.

So what is your sankalpa, or resolution, that you intend to commit or recommit to this year? Yoga creates a heightened awareness of the energies in your body so that you can fully realize what’s truly in your heart—who you really are or want to be. It allows you to open your mind to the idea that your sankalpa is possible and give you the vitality needed to achieve it. It’s not attainable over night or possibly even in 1 year, but giving yourself a lifetime to practice being who you want to be will indeed make an impact on those around you.

This post was originally published on www.CSYogaFitness.com.

Huckisms

As I sit here beginning to write this post I’m listening to my child scream and cry in the background from his crib.  I just put him down for nap time without finishing his lunch because he was getting frustrated with trying to eat by himself and had already thrown his spoon, pushed is bowl away, almost dumped his food on the floor and pushed his milk away and was beginning to throw a major fit.  This seems to be the norm lately—get extremely frustrated when something doesn’t work for him immediately the first time, fuss, and then throw a fit.  And while I’m trying to calm the frustration and anger that’s boiling inside of me, I keep thinking of the message from church this morning to not worry, for worrying only takes away from today’s strength and to {as is the name of this blog} “count your blessings.”

Although life with Huck has not been that easy lately and he is frequently fussy and uncooperative once again in his life, I have to remember to be grateful for those “Huck-isms” that do bring us great joy.  In no particular order, here are the top 20 that we encounter pretty regularly:

1.  “Hold you” is used when he wants one of us to hold him or help him do something. He frequently confuses “you” and “I/me” and uses them in the opposite context that he intends.
2.  “Pump it” or “pumped it” when he punts  or punted a ball
3. “Carnoons” for cartoons
4. “I have a bone, I’m a dog” when he puts a spoon or other stirring device sideways in his mouth.  The other day this turned into “I don’t need a bone,” and when we looked at him, he had a book in his mouth.
5. “Booster seat!” when he runs into the kitchen to eat a meal
6. “He wants…” whenever he wants something instead of using I
7.  “What’s that little guy doing?” or “Look at that little person” anytime we see any person no matter how big or small
8. The past 2 days, twice he has asked me in complete sentences to do something with “please” at the end of it.  I definitely stopped the cooking I was doing and meditation I was practicing to respond to these requests.
9.  Milk is now referred to as coffee and he wants to carry it around the house all the time when we have traditionally only allowed milk at meal times.
10. “I’m a race car” when he runs around the kitchen island as fast as he can
11. “That’s a cute “lil house” or “what’s in that ‘lil house” when he’s referring to buildings and businesses
12. When you whisper something for him to say out loud, he whispers it as well.
13. Beginning to use 7 word sentences: “Mama, will you get that car, please?”
14. “Wanna wrestle?” is used frequently when Matt gets home from work
15. “Wanna read this one?” Then hands you the book to read thinking you’ll read it to him, but he really just wants you to read it and he’ll grab another book to begin reading.
16. He has to sleep with 4 loveys each night: blankie, a puppy blankie, lambie (a stuffed lamb), and Henry (a stuffed scary looking cat).  He often cuddles them all at the same time and says “ohhh.”
17. “I go crib” is common when he’s really tired after reading and during songs at night. 
18. Beginning to learn the grace we say before each meal and says “Come Lord” and “be our Guest”
19. “Thank you very much” when thanking someone
20. “Anhydrous tanks,” “he’s plowing,” “hay bales,” and “wanna go get ‘em” or “ wanna  go see’em” when we see any tractors or farm equipment working is extremely common.

 

Potty Training...Part 1??

I know this is only the beginning and we haven’t even formally begun the process yet to potty train our son, but I purchased a little potty for him last week to help him begin to get used to the idea.  He does have more of an interest in using the toilet and occasionally tells us when he needs a diaper change, thus prompting the purchase.  I can honestly say I don’t really even know how to go about starting to potty train, just that there has to be consistency…so I guess I better get my act together.  If I can be so consistent and disciplined about other areas of my life, I can surely do this.  But then again, I’m dealing with a toddler who has a mind of his own.

Since we got our son his potty we’ve been asking him throughout the day if he has to go or wants to use it.  Sometimes he says “yes,” but mostly “no.”  It generally doesn’t amount to anything, but him sitting on the potty and getting used to it, but yesterday, to my amazement, he told my husband he wanted to use the potty when he was getting his diaper changed and sure enough, after sitting there for a minute or two, he went in the potty!!  I’m not sure my husband was as pumped as I was (if you know him, you know he’s Mr. Show His Emotions, right?), but it was pretty cool to have him do that already.  I  know it probably won’t last this early, and that this is just the beginning of a LONG process, but it kind of makes me think I had better turn my focus of research toward something else other than how to eat following the Whole30 program when you’re pregnant. 

 Oh yeah, in case you didn’t hear, we are expecting in March!  Life is full of blessings each day, and it’s so easy to forget or neglect to stop and acknowledge them and give thanks for both the joys AND challenges.  Taking the time to write this blog has not been a priority of mine lately partially because we’ve moved last month, which feels like it has consumed my life and thrown everything off kilter, but I realize when I actually sit down to write, that it serves a great purpose in remembering to take this little step to “count my blessings.”     

Laugh Like a Toddler with a Ball

I had to make a trip to the store yesterday with Huck in tow...just needed 1 thing so I figured we could run in and out and be back home within a half hour.  Well, it went mostly as planned, but the first store we stopped at didn't carry overnight diapers, but did indeed carry bouncy balls.  When Huck saw the cage of balls at the store his eyes lit up.  He has been absolutely obsessed with any sort of ball lately and has so much fun playing "catch" or kicking them even if it's just to himself.  And there happened to be a ball with airplanes on it, which was recently a 2 week obsession that has seemed to taper a bit, so I thought it was a must.  While waiting in the check out line for this 1 ball, Huck was on cloud 9 carrying around, rolling and tossing his ball (luckily the store was small, and we were the only customers in there except the gentleman in front of us).  And it really didn't bother me that we had to wait for quite some time because it was so much fun to just watch him discover what he could do with this ball he was getting.

After our trip to the next store, we indeed left town and headed back home with overnight diapers and 2 bouncy balls...yep 2.  I guess I'm a sucker for a toddler who gets so excited about seeing a cage of balls that he can hardly stop laughing and almost crawls into the ball cage to get one.  Our trip home began with Huck holding one of the balls and throwing it up in the air to himself.  It would occasionally land on his head and rest against the top of his car seat in which case he couldn't reach it so would get frustrated, and I would tap it so it fell down in his lap again.  But that lasted about 1 mile.  He was playing so boisterously with the ball that he tossed it to the other side of the backseat and to the floor.  Thus ended the joy of having a ball, and the beginning of the frustration and sadness of not having a ball to hold on the way home.  And since I was driving and the only other person in the car, I wasn't going to be able to get him the ball unless I stopped the car.  We only live 10 minutes from the store, so I wasn't going to do that, unfortunately.  So the laughter turned to periodic crying the rest of the trip home.

The whole evening was spent playing with his new yellow ball and airplane ball, and by bedtime he marched right into his room with his airplane ball ready to get into his crib.  It took a lot of coercing and some prying to release the ball from his grasp and turn his attention to books.

This little afternoon adventure was such a reminder of the pure joy that the little things in life can bring.  Where is that wonder that I'm sure each of us once had?  It so often gets stuffed down and forgotten as we conform to society and encounter stressful situations and life in general.  Imagine what the world would be like if we all took a step back and paused to simply be more mindful of how we approach life--without expectations, praise or blame.  To just observe what is going on and accept it for what it is.  I know this is something I personally work on and need to be reminded of it more often.  And maybe that's just what my son is doing for me each day with these little reminders to laugh and have fun.

Mother's Day 2015

My 3 blessings on this Mother's Day:

1. My beautiful mother who brought me into this world and continues to teach me so much about life and how to be a good mama and wife.  She continues to amaze me with her openness and desire to never stop learning.  I am so proud of her for taking the brave step to begin to practice Adamantine(R) Yoga a couple months ago and for sticking with it.  Thank you, Mom, for supporting me in everything that I do and continuing to encourage me to dream and set goals.  I love you.
   
   
   
2.  My handsome son, Huck, who continues to teach me patience and reminds me to see the world through the eyes of a child.  His wonder, spirit and intelligence amaze me every day and bring so much joy to my life.  It's hard to believe he has been in our lives for 16 months and how things have changed during that period of time.  I am so grateful for our healthy little boy who loves to be outside and shows such pure excitement & joy when either my husband or I walk through the door after a day at work or into his room after nap time.  The unconditional love that exists between a parent and a child is a beautiful bond.
   
3. Gardening and the land that God has given us to care for.  I spent time today weeding a flower bed and planting some seeds that will hopefully bring flowers this spring or summer.  Working with my hands in the dirt and navigating around the many earthworms I encountered was therapeutic and a beautiful reminder that all things work together for our good.  Even though the clover and dandelions had taken over this little bed around the perennials that live there, the life that was working so hard beneath those weeds to make the soil more fertile gave me reason to be thankful.  Because just a few years ago when I created that flower bed, there was nothing but grass growing in clay soil there.  Life creates life.

Saving the Planet or Our Budget?

Last weekend marked a momentous occasion in our lives…buying disposable diapers.  You heard me right.  It was one of the first times we have had to buy diapers for our 15-month old.  Crazy, I know!  But we had the good fortune of acquiring a LOT of diapers before little Huck was born because of a diaper keg that was hosted for my husband.  And we finally made it through all of them.  Oh we still have some random ½-opened packages of diapers that the little guy grew out of before we could use; and of course, I did exchange some smaller sizes for larger ones if he grew faster than we could fit the diapers to him.  But I think there may have been only 2 other times when we actually had to buy disposable diapers—once when he was still super small and once when we were traveling and needed more.  Oh yeah, and we do buy overnight diapers since Huck sleeps 12-13 hours a night and needs all the absorbency he can get.  So the diaper keg is the way to go if you know anyone having a baby in the near future. 

If you’re not familiar with what I’m talking about, here’s brief overview:  it’s essentially a baby shower for men.  My husband’s friend got a keg and a bunch of beer and invited their friends to come drink with them…the catch, the fee for the beer was a package of diapers (we requested bigger sizes since we had gotten smaller sizes at my baby showers).  We have some very generous friends because many of them brought big boxes of diapers…we’re talking the 196+ count diapers.  If you’re reading this and contributed to the cause, I can’t thank you enough; you helped us tremendously.  If you consider that it costs roughly $72/month (per babycenter.com) to use disposable diapers, that means we saved at least $1,000 over the past 15 months.  And for those of you who know I am a Dave Ramsey nut, that completely gets me psyched!  But let me let you in on another little secret as to how we made it this long without purchasing more disposable diapers—some people might consider me a mild Granola/Earth Mama:  I’d rather be outside doing anything active than being inside, I’m {kind of} crazy about recycling, I care about our environment & preserving it, we like to grow our own vegetables, we compost nearly all of our organic non-protein food scraps to later feed our garden, and WE CLOTH DIAPER.

It wasn’t until Huck man was about 11 months that I really decided we would make a concentrated effort to go the cloth route.  I had dabbled in it, but would get so frustrated because the diapers always seemed to leak, and I wasn’t a huge fan of rinsing messy diapers in the toilet even though I have a diaper sprayer (for those of you who aren’t aware, a diaper sprayer is a spray nozzle that attaches to the water line of your toilet and uses that water to rinse the diapers directly into the toilet, safely disposing of the solid waste).  But I started to realize that our diaper supply was diminishing, and if I wanted to avoid the super high costs of buying diapers each week or month, or however often you have to buy diapers (I don’t really know, I guessJ), then I better step up my game and dive into cloth diapering.  I shared my frustrations with one of my friends who is really into CD’s (cloth diapers) and she immediately added me to this wonderful group on Facebook that changed my life (https://www.facebook.com/groups/FluffLoveCDScience/).  The 2 biggest take-a-ways I got from this group were how to properly position and fit the diapers to avoid leaks and how to develop a sound wash routine…because, yes, washing cloth diapers does take a little more science than simply filling the local landfill with disposable diapers.

Don’t get me wrong, unfortunately, we still contribute our share of diapers to the landfill, but it is certainly far less than the average household, and even far less than what we were throwing out in the first 9-10 months of our child’s life.  Before we had a baby, we would maybe have 1 bag of garbage a week (again, remember we compost and recycle everything!); after we had a baby we would most typically have at least 2 bags of garbage, if not more.  But we are now back down to 1-1 ½ bags of garbage for our little family of 3.  YEAAA!  

We are a part-time cloth diapering family.  There are times when I know it’s just going to be easier to have a disposable on Huck like if we’re going to be out and about, or when the sitter or my husband will most likely have to be the one to deal with the messy diaper, or because I know a disposable will allow him to sleep longer during nap time, but I try to use cloth as much as possible during the day.  It obviously saves us money and contributes to our financial goals and helps save the environment, and the diapers are also so darn cute, they’re hard to pass up! 

Yes, cloth diapers are an expensive investment, but the fact that you re-use them helps.  And there is a market out there for cloth diaper re-sale if they are in good enough condition and if that is the route someone would want to take.  I haven’t pumped a ton of money into purchasing a bunch of CS’s; we have enough  to last us 2-3 days before I have to wash them.  The “nerd” in me says this is just fine and there are other things I would rather save for. 

For those of you who are questioning the use of the water that it takes to launder dipes…guess what, over the past 4 months our water bill has actually stayed the same or gone down.  Yep, that’s right, DOWN!

I know I’m not normal, but at least I’m confident enough to be content in being weird.

Thanksgiving Blessings - 11 Months

Well, I haven’t written in quite a while and a lot has evolved since my last post, so I’ll try to fill in the blanks as I reflect on the past year this Thanksgiving weekend.  My sweet baby Huck is 11 months old today and life has certainly changed.  He has grown into a charming, active and vocal little person.  There is no such thing as quick trips to the grocery store anymore or easily stopping into a business, a friend’s house, or even our own house for a quick change of clothes to prepare for the next event on the calendar.  And this can be attributed to the transition to the convertible car seat from the easy-to-use infant carrier…ahhh, use this as LONG as you possibly can!  We still use it for the truck and if he needs to ride in someone else’s car, but in my car, his main vehicle for transportation, we are into the rear-facing convertible seat.  For those of you who are not aware, this means that he can no longer be contained when we go into places, and that it requires much more effort to lift his 21lb little squirmy body up into the car seat and get him buckled.  Add to that the element of winter and a polar vortex and you get a mama that really doesn’t want to leave the house with Huck in tow unless she absolutely has to.  But life is so great and we are exploring everything!  The little man has mastered crawling, pulling up onto things and learning to walk assisted, has successfully grown his first 3 teeth, eats table food,  and has even packed on some pounds—he’s got rolls on his legs finally!  And one of the biggest changes that we have been blessed with since June is that I get to stay home with the little guy.

The last day at my full time professional job was at the end of August so that I could start a yoga & personal training business and be a full time mommy.  This was a tough and scary decision for me to make, but I felt that it was an opportunity for me to do what I had dreamed of doing for a very long time.  I simply was not happy in the position I was in, and with the promise of continued multiple evening meetings away from home and my husband’s work schedule that keeps him away from home during the week, I made the decision that would be best for our family and took the plunge.  It was a leap of faith…and continues to be, but I haven’t regretted my decision to make this life change one bit.  Change isn’t easy for anyone, and this transition certainly is no different.  It has compelled me to continue to work on improving communication in my marriage and more recently has made me realize that I need to be more introspective once again in my life and discover how I can be a better wife to my husband.  How the qualities I learn on my yoga mat—integrity, nonviolence, surrender and gratitude—and try to apply to myself and others I see on the street, need also to be directly reflected towards my husband.  The one relationship that needs the most nourishing, yet often gets treated the most disrespectfully, because it is in this sacred and intimate relationship that many of us, myself included, let our guard down and show our true colors.  I know this isn’t right, but it is so much easier to be kind to someone we barely know for the sake of their perception of us, than the person who is going to be there for us in any situation, through thick or thin.  The person whom we feel the most comfortable around, and therefore; sees us at our best…and worst.  And because they are our spouses and committed to believing in us as people, through success or failure, joy or challenge, and good ideas or bad, we give ourselves permission to relax the personality that others see in us.

The past 11 months have been trying on my relationship with my husband.  I am grateful that he has continued to support me through my new adventure in pursuing my dreams and, hopefully believes that I can be a success with my – our—new business.  I say “hopefully” because this is one area in which we struggle, and one area that I know causes much tension in relationships:  communication.  Lately this is not something that we have been very victorious at.  I don’t always know how he feels and he doesn’t always know how I feel.  We have never been great at it because we are 2 independent people with our own interests and hobbies that were well developed before we met each other.  We had even more time to develop those interests and get a little more set in our ways even after we got married because we had no children to make us think any differently, and we could get away with it.  We were focused on our careers, spending time with each other doing the things we enjoy doing together AND spending time on our own with our own personal hobbies.  But now that our lives have changed forever with the introduction of another life to be responsible for, and both of our careers changing, our own personal ventures have taken a back burner…except that I turned my favorite hobby into my career.  And now feel that I have to work more diligently at it to hopefully close the gap that I have now created in our income by quitting my other professional job.  All the while, my husband continues to have a demanding career with his time being taken up staying days and nights during the week out of town instructing new recruits on how to serve our state and protect the lives of so many.  Something so honorable and far greater than many of us can even imagine that I often forget how much stress he must carry with him subconsciously and how grateful I am for his quiet humility.  So although we are still pursuing what we love to do, we are also seeking the balance that comes with the joy of guiding a new spirit in this world.  I have discovered that communication becomes even more critical.

As my yoga practice has evolved since Huck was born and has actually developed into a deeper practice than I had prior to his birth, it continues to teach me to explore my personality and spirit.  It also teaches me about my relationships and interactions with others.  So as I “count my LITTLE blessings” this Thanksgiving weekend, I’ll learn from the mistakes I have made and continue to try to fail forward so that I can teach my child how to be mindful of how he communicates with the ones he loves the most.