3 Realities

This week my husband, Matt, and I will celebrate our 4 year anniversary.  The best advice I ever got before we got married actually came from my mom.  She told me that “no matter what happens in life--kids, jobs, hard times—remember that the most important thing in your marriage is your relationship with Matt.”  Pretty good advice, Mom.  And I have to admit, I too often let this slip to the back of my mind rather than keeping it at the front.  But I was reminded of it yet again this past week when planning a time this coming week that we can spend some time together to celebrate our marriage.  Time away from our infant, just the 2 of us, just like it used to be…sort ofJ.  Except that now we have this little person in our lives that I’m sure we’ll find ourselves talking about—at least that’s what everyone says will happen right?!?! 

I shared this bit of advice when visiting with my good friend the other day who has just about a month left in her pregnancy and is getting to that anxious stage of wanting to get so much done before baby arrives and continuing to worry about the birth process and being a new parent—what’s important and what’s not as important.  I told her to really pay attention to that piece of advice that my mom gave me because it is so true, yet an easy one set aside.  I have always felt a very strong connection with this friend since I met her a few years back when I started the job I am in now and she too was in the same role, also a remote worker, so we would spend hours on the phone talking not only about work but life as well, and always seemed to know when each other was thinking about the other person and needed a phone call.  I had a feeling she was pregnant before she knew she was pregnant, so was thrilled when she called and told me the news.  I have so cherished the conversations I’ve had with this friend throughout our pregnancies, especially after having my sweet little Huck, because she doesn’t hesitate to call and ask the questions that any soon-to-be mommy has.  Questions in which the answers are so fresh in my mind and life that I can easily give her my opinion and feedback.  Sure, she has sisters and other friends who’ve had kids, but I take it as a huge compliment that she calls me with these questions—and maybe it’s just because she knows I’ll be brutally honest with her and tell her how actually it is.  I guess you could say that’s always been one of my…uh, strengths?  Although, I know it has come back to bite me at times in life, in others, it can be quite helpful.  But I guess since we’ve had similar situations in life and through work, she trusts my judgment and insight.  In the past few months we’ve talked about everything from labor and delivery options to C-section recovery, nursing supplies and bras to being ok with choosing not to breastfeed, and ultimately appreciating life now, before the baby to coping with how much life changes after the baby.  In the end, she will have to figure out what works best for her and her family, but it sure helps to have someone to ask some of those uncomfortable question to in hopes that it will somewhat prepare you for what’s soon to come.  Something that you really can’t prepare for until it actually happens because you discover you indeed have no control over it.  I’m no expert by any means, especially since I am only 3 months into being a mommy, and as with any new baby, it’s a trial and error process in survival mode of new parenthood, but I have recognized 3 truths throughout the past year of pregnancy and being a new mom. 

Letting Go of Control

Early on in my pregnancy, I had an aunt who told me how she thought pregnancy was such a beautiful thing in that it completely prepares you for being a parent—you lose control of what is happening to your body and much like parenthood, you think you have control over your baby or child because you are the adult and the parent, but ultimately, they have their own minds and are going to do what they want to do.  Boy, has this been clear to me raising a fussy baby.  I am learning to accept the fact that I can do everything in my power to make Huck as comfortable as possible and meet all of his needs, but he’s the one deciding to be happy or fussy, and I can’t do much about thatJ.  It took me a very long time to have this sort of acceptance in my pregnancy because I have always worked very hard to maintain my fitness level and body, so to have to give that control up and accept the changes that were happening was difficult.  Perhaps that’s partly why I have such a spirited, strong-willed baby.  Perhaps he is a reflection of who I was mentally during much of my pregnancy.  I’ll never know for sure, but it’s certainly a connection that could be made. 

Making Time for the #1 Relationship

I already touched on this one earlier.  It is so important to keep this focus because if the relationship between you and your spouse is not strong, nothing else will be in your family. It is definitely hard to do when so many hormones are trying to find balance once again in your body leaving you an emotional mess, when you are learning how to be a mom and potentially struggling with bonding with your new baby, as well as learning to accept the changes that you now see in your body every time you look in the mirror, worrying how others, and more importantly your husband, now sees you.  Now sees that new permanent line marking your body, reminding both of you of the trauma your body went through so that you could meet your precious baby.  And perhaps for others it’s the weight gain or stretch marks that now hold true as reminder of your baby.  All things that can interfere with your relationship if you let them.

Accepting Your Beautiful Body

The last truth I have recognized is true acceptance of my body for what it now is; each physical change that I now see is a beautiful reminder of the joy of God’s true miracle—LIFE.  A new life and proof that we are living creatures capable of creating life.  Therefore, I look not at these permanent marks and changes as negative things I have to live with, rather embrace them and be happy with who I now am  because I am going to be able to share the world with a child.  I get to teach him to admire the world around him and to grow into a happy, successful, contributing member of society.  And creating this life wouldn’t be possible without gaining some beautiful “battle wounds.” So each time you look at those “wounds,” be happy for who you are and what you have done.

Each of these realities still challenges me at times, but using them to guide how I live and adapt to parenthood will hopefully allow me to teach my child about the important things in life.